[[Here’s another thing folded in a way that I could never open it->Here’s another thing folded in a way that I could never open it]][[a message that was never translated->a message that was never translated]][[symbols that simply became themselves and encysted their messages like closed rooms->symbols that simply became themselves and encysted their messages like closed rooms]][[I can’t ask my momma now why the red ground in grandma’s driveway was sparking like flint as I hit it with a rusty hoe all day, -> I can’t ask my momma now why the red ground in grandma’s driveway was sparking like flint as I hit it with a rusty hoe all day]]
[[“Thank god for Pac-Man,” was what my grandma had said about this time ->“Thank god for Pac-Man,” was what my grandma had said about this time]][[but “Pac-Man” was a word for all videogames, -> but “Pac-Man” was a word for all videogames,]]
[[My cousin and I played //Swordquest// -> My cousin and I played Swordquest,]]
[[like “Kleenex” or “Frigidaire” or “Coke”.->like “Kleenex” or “Frigidaire” or “Coke”]][[She’d live until the time when all videogames went from being “Pac-Man” or “Atari” to being “Nintendo” -> She’d live until the time when all videogames went from being “Pac-Man” or “Atari” to being “Nintendo”]][[a huge amount of time and focus folded up into a single word which is changing. ->a huge amount of time and focus folded up into a single word which is changing.]][[I can't remember anything outside the little room with the Atari that Christmas. I remember my grandfather taping my cousin and I performing little shows on a reel-to-reel recorder and then his absence -> I can't remember anything outside the little room with the Atari that Christmas. I remember my grandfather taping my cousin and I performing little shows on a reel-to-reel recorder and then his absence]]
[[My mother was his step daughter and I know she had to do things that his daughters couldn't -> My mother was his step daughter and I know she had to do things that his daughters couldn't ]][[to clean->to clean]][[pieces from floors -> pieces from floors]][[and the cracks in furniture -> and the cracks in furniture.]]Grandpa’s note just said “sorry for the mess”. [[[[🚪->“Thank god for Pac-Man,” was what my grandma had said about this time]][[Swordquest was special because if you did something right you would supposedly win a real treasure. ->Swordquest was special because if you did something right you would supposedly win a real treasure.]]
[[(we played //Sneak 'n Peek// too, trying to force stick figures to slide into invisible cracks) -> (we played Sneak 'n Peek too, trying to force stick figures to slide into invisible cracks)]][[This made play a sort of work. -> This made play a sort of work.]]
[[Swordquest was obstuse enough to be frightening to me. I wouldn't play it with the lights off.->Swordquest was obstuse enough to be frightening to me. I wouldn't play it with the lights off.]]
[[The Swordquest games were filled with meaningless clues and impossible tasks -> The Swordquest games were filled with meaningless clues and impossible tasks]][[I think I remember playing it not on Grandma’s Atari, in the "mud room" that connected the garage to the house, but on Uncle Ron’s Sears Atari clone. -> I think I remember playing it not on Grandma’s Atari, in the "mud room" that connected the garage to the house, but on Uncle Ron’s Sears Atari clone.]][[At Ron's funeral when his college roommate told a story about him my Aunt started laughing hysterically and couldn’t stop.-> At Ron's funeral when his college roommate told a story about him my Aunt started laughing hysterically and couldn’t stop.]][[ The preacher was a southern Baptist and our family were all lapsed Catholics -> The preacher was a southern Baptist and our family were all lapsed Catholics]][[He clumsily talked about suicide, but tried to catalogue Uncle Ron's qualifications as a good christian to offset it. Then he fell back to recruiting.->He clumsily talked about suicide, but tried to catalogue Uncle Ron's qualifications as a good christian to offset it. Then he fell back to recruiting.]]I turned to my cousin afterwards and said, “don’t let them pull any of this Jesus shit at my funeral.” [[🚪-> My cousin and I played Swordquest,]][[I think people don't really understand->I think people don't really understand]][[that there was something sharp and ungentle and immediate about those games to a child->that there was something sharp and ungentle and immediate about those games to a child]][[like an emergency broadcast system alert in the middle of cartoons->like an emergency broadcast system alert in the middle of cartoons]][[or a fire alarm deep in the night->or a fire alarm deep in the night]][[or a hard metal thing found with fingers in the dark among a cluster of teddy bears.->or a hard metal thing found with fingers in the dark among a cluster of teddy bears.]]The barest attempt at theater was made to phrase dangerous electricity.[[🚪->Swordquest was special because if you did something right you would supposedly win a real treasure.]][[I learned later that the keys to the games were in accompanying comic books that I never saw -> I learned later that the keys to the games were in accompanying comic books that I never saw]][[But for hours I would attempt to make sense of what was happening there -> But for hours I would attempt to make sense of what was happening there]][[Each room in the Swordquest games had a sort of primitive user interface with objects -> Each room in the Swordquest games had a sort of primitive user interface with objects]][[we could only guess at what they did.->we could only guess at what they did.]][[But I understood that these were containers where things could be hidden.->But I understood that these were containers where things could be hidden.]][[A changing word for time spent trying to solve a problem -> A changing word for time spent trying to solve a problem]][[other than the problem that can’t be solved.->other than the problem that can’t be solved.]]and which has a name that cannot be spoken.
[[🚪->Swordquest was special because if you did something right you would supposedly win a real treasure.]][[Sneak 'n Peek seemed especially cruel->Sneak 'n Peek seemed especially cruel]][[A game of hide and seek for children, who for whatever reason->A game of hide and seek for children, who for whatever reason]][[cannot play outside->cannot play outside]][[If you had a friend you would take turns trying to find precise points->If you had a friend you would take turns trying to find precise points]][[where the player character would slip between pixels and be hidden there->where the player character would slip between pixels and be hidden there]][[then the other player would have to find the same exact spot,->then the other player would have to find the same exact spot]][[and approach it from the right direction->and approach it from the right direction]][[A child playing alone could only look and look for the computer player and often would never find anything->A child playing alone could only look and look for the computer player and often would never find anything]][[over and over.->over and over.]][[It was never your turn to hide, because the computer knows already->It was never your turn to hide, because the computer knows already]]where everything is hidden.
[[🚪-> My cousin and I played Swordquest,]]because she’s folded even more solidly, an unread letter with pages fused together from a flood. [[🚪->symbols that simply became themselves and encysted their messages like closed rooms]]